Tuesday, February 14, 2012
The 3 Must Haves for Successful Relationships
Friendships, dating, romance, and marriage—it's all confusing to college grad-student Annie until the day a white-haired stranger appears in her life. Glaen is an unusual professor and unconventional mentor who guides Annie on a path of discovery that unlocks the secrets of real relationships. Annie discovers the mystifying affect of how learning to tell the truth changes everything in friendship, family, and love.
The solutions Dr. Fred Lybrand offers in Glaen book will astound and free you to quit doing the very things that take away your ability to find the love and friendship you want. More importantly, you'll discover a fresh path to the possibility of greater connections with those you care most about.
Fred R. Lybrand
The Barnabas Agency
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Relationship Quiz: Is this the Right Person?
By Fred Lybrand, author of Glaen
Mark your answers from 1 to 10, with 1 being “No Way” and 10 being “I Think So”
I can easily picture being with this person 10 years from now.
We agree on everything that is really important to me.
We finally solve our conflicts, even if it takes a while.
If this person stays just the same forever, I’ll be pretty happy.
I feel good chemistry with this person at least once a week.
Our closest friends have good relationships.
I believe growing a soul mate is as right as finding a soul mate.
We always give each other the freedom to say “No” without getting in trouble.
I’ve read a book or listened to a talk to help my relating to others within the past year.
I am sure I would not be the one to call it quits in this relationship.
Add up you points and consider this common sense scale:
90-100 Fantasy Land (please re-take the Quiz with a little less pretending)
75-90 You are as close to a sure bet as it gets in a world without guarantees
55-75 You have a good relationship that would likely blossom with a little work
40-55 You probably need to find some outside help from some wise friends or mentors
25-40 The relationship needs professional help (pastor, counselor, etc.)
<25 The relationship has almost no chance until you change your mind
The 3 Must Haves for Successful Relationships
Friends who won’t speak. A husband and wife who are ‘done’ with the whole thing. Co-workers who no longer look each other in the eye. These three have far more in common than you might think.
Every year around Valentine’s Day, we all elevate our thinking about love and friendship to the sublime idea of Romantic Love. More than affection, this kind of love makes are hearts skip and keep our minds distracted. Surely all of us experience this kind of fantastic imaginary ideal at least once in our lives, if not again and again from time to time.
While romance has been romanticized, it is still the fondness and commitment that makes relationships really feel like what they are—a deep connection between two persons. All of these relationships can run aground in the sea of life. The reason for a shipwreck, however, is that what really works in a relationship is neglected.
It isn’t about love languages, or fresh ideas, or even listening (though all of these are fine). Instead, it is at the heart of Glaen’s message and it can be describe by three simple ideas.
At its core, every successful relationship has three essential elements.
The Point simply refers to what a relationship is about at its core. It is not about what you can get, what you can give, or how well two people can change one another. The point of a relationship is relating...which means connecting. We use words like bonding and being on the same wave length. In a romantic context it has as its aim a more intense version of connection called oneness. Honestly, the names don’t matter, but the point does. Relationships that work stay on point and they keep connecting together. Fights are division, coolness is distance, and silence is death. The point of connecting together can only happen in real time (that means, right now). Connecting again and again in real time is what builds strength in the bond; be it friendship, romantic love, or to team members pitching in together at work.
The People are the second essential and refers to the influence those around us wield on our lives. Glaen says, “You’ll never be like the people you don’t hang around.” The truth is that you will drift toward the character and interests (on some level) of the people you are in the greatest connection with. This explains why getting new friends distances you from old ones. It also explains why there is a repetition of connecting with one failure after another (sorry for the bluntness). A failure to recognize this plain fact is a step toward the destruction of the relationships you have or want. Sometimes it is uncomfortable because we really need to change, but in fact, starting with a vision for the kind of person you want to be can lead you to find, keep, and grow the relationships you long to have.
The Price for successful relationships is Truth. Yes, it is telling and living the truth. “But the truth about what?” you might ask. The question itself already says you are in trouble! It is the truth as anything (and everything) comes to the forefront. It is the truth about beliefs, and goals, and faith, and politics. Why does Truth matter? Well, the simple fact is that a successful relationship is an authentic connection with another person you’d like to be like (more or less). For that connection to happen, it is absolutely necessary that you are the ‘real you’ and the other person is the ‘real them’ in the relationship. This truth-based being real means that you and they are connecting and relating and growing together as the real thing. As soon as a mask goes up, the game’s afoot. The best you can hope for without truth is a good relationship with someone you don’t really know...which, of course, isn’t a success by any measure.
For more information about Glaen:
A Novel Message on Romance, Love & Relating, visit www.glaen.com.